Social Life

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Permalink Reply by John on June 15, 2008 at 9:57am

Hi Illyria,

yeah, this all sounds very familiar and i'm sure for all of us with IBS, it has hindered our social life! I feel the same way. What i do, is that whenever people want to go out, i just tell them that i'm going to meet them at the place. That way, if on my way there i feel terrible i can just go back home without bothering anyone. Also, once i'm there, if I do get an attack, i can just leave. But it's always better to just try!! good luck!

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Permalink Reply by illyria on June 16, 2008 at 8:21am

Thanks, John. That is a good method. I'm usually alright once I get there but it's the build up that is bad.

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Permalink Reply by IggyDragon on July 10, 2008 at 11:36am

My friends always got annoyed whenever I was unable to go somewhere due to IBS flare-ups. They never seemed to understand. I think that may be the hardest part. It's as if I'm making it up as an excuse to get out of going somewhere. As if I ENJOY being a prisoner in my own house, right?

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Permalink Reply by Anubis on July 10, 2008 at 1:45pm

I can relate. It can be very hard to go out especially with bad flareups. Most things would need to be planned out ahead of time. I would need to know where, when and how long. Then I would ned to make sure that bathrooms are easily available. Even then, who knows how I'm going to feel that day. Its tough. I'm glad I have a supportive family. But firends can be tougher to deal with. I hate having to explain what I have. It's cost me outings, some events. Most of the time its just the build up to the event that scks the most. Having to sometimes turning down friends. Just like what Iggydragon said, you can sometimes feel like a prisoner at home.

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Permalink Reply by illyria on July 10, 2008 at 1:53pm

I find it really hard at times (no pun intended!). Like you said, Anubis, it's the build up that's the worst. Once I'm there I'm usually alright. I'm not good everytime, but most times it's ok.

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Permalink Reply by puppyluv on July 10, 2008 at 6:48pm

I share the same feelings as all of you. An invitation to a social situation like a party, wedding, concert or movie strikes fear in my heart. Instead of being excited to do something I immediately start to think about all the "what ifs".
What if I have to go to the bathroom at someone's house, or a public bathroom where there might be other people in the bathroom or worse, maybe a line up.
Then there is always the lovely "leaking gas" smell that likes to pop up when I am stressed.
I am happiest when I am at home by myself. What a life...

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Permalink Reply by John on July 10, 2008 at 6:57pm

I just got invited to a birthday this Saturday, and im trying to get all the details before commiting!!! I'll prob tell them i'll meet them where they are and go alone... but that's better than not going I guess.

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Permalink Reply by IggyDragon on July 10, 2008 at 9:05pm

Same here. I have a funeral to go to tomorrow. But it's not too far and I'll try to drive myself in case I need to slip out early.

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Permalink Reply by illyria on July 11, 2008 at 5:32am

Don't we live such simple lives?!

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Permalink Reply by nicster on July 19, 2008 at 1:07pm

I find that my friends get more upset if I just say no. They would rather I say I will try and then if I need to leave early/cancel at the last min etc then they don't mind. Also if I do have a really bad attack and say I can't come out then they are more worried that I am bad than upset about me cancelling as they know I would normally at least come out for 30min - 1hr and see how I get on.

When going out for food, I try to concentrate on the kind of food that I can eat rather than what I can't eat, for example japanese, thai, some italian restaurants are good. I know when it comes to weddings etc were you just get a buffet/set meal and can't change it then it is more difficult. But if it is a restaurant that you are going to then I sometimes phone the restaurant in advance and explain that I have a medical condition and have to be careful about what you eat, see if they can organise something slightly different for you - say exclude something from a dish that will make you bad, miss of a dressing/sauce, cook the food differently? I find that if you explain to people that you have a medical condition and that it is not a fad diet that you are on, then people are actually really helpful.

I have the same problem with public toilets, but when I get in a situation were there is nothing that can be done, I try to imagine that the other people in the toilets also have IBS or something similar. That way I feel that at least they will understand how I feel. Even if they do not have IBS they will have had diarrhoea in the past and will be sympathetic, I realise it does not take the worry and embarisment away.

You may find though that the more you go out, things are not as bad as you think. Often things seem worse when you are thinking about them at home, than when you actually do it. If you do find this then it will reduce your worry in the future when you go out, increase the amount that you can go out which will make you happier and inturn make your IBS better!

I do realise that when you have a bad attack then it is horrible, that often it feels like no one understands. However I have recently learnt that if I trust my freinds more and just give things a go, I am able to do alot more. And if I have an attack they understand (as long as I clean the toilet after!)

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Permalink Reply by IggyDragon on July 19, 2008 at 10:08pm

Yup, you gotta try. Gotta live life!

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Permalink Reply by John on July 28, 2008 at 11:20pm

I went for Thai food with a group...and I had to run home!!! haha

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